The Good Life….

So it has been a REAL long time since my last post. So long I nearly forgot that I once blogged. So I passed the Wisconsin Bar, got the Wisconsin Job, moved the entire family out here and now have a 2 month old baby. Whew. Life is really busy right now. I started the new job in October and a week later our son came. The life of a Public Defender is a busy one. There is so much that law school does not teach well, dealing with multiple clients being the first on my list. They start you slow at the office, and then work up the volume. They have been patient with me, and I am of so grateful for that. The pace is picking up to the point that I should be up to a full caseload in the next few weeks. I feel somewhat stressed when I approach something new, then feel silly for being stressed when it becomes routine. I see time management as my biggest challenge. All these new skills are improving, yet it still takes me too long to interview, or to sign up clients. I’ll improve speed wise with time, I know. Still, when I have to be in multiple courtrooms at once, or in close proximity, I feel a legion of stress on my back.

Unfortunately, I relieve stress by grinding my teeth, and I think one the of biggest reasons why I’m getting a root canal in January is because of grinding during the night. I have had a couple bottles of ibuprophen, spent a few hundred dollars some initial treatment to the tooth and generally been miserable over it. My health care & dental benefit does not kick in until next month so my options treatment wise, have been so limited. I need so much more work on my teeth – if I had $10K to blow on fixing things, I would. I swear my quality of life would improve immensely!

I sometimes find myself missing law school. The daily grind is predictable, which is sometimes nice. However, being predictable is what sometimes makes it hard to bear. During my 2nd and 3rd years I worked, which made for really long days. Yet the sometimes tedious nature of work was mixed with really interesting and fulfilling discussion about current law and political debate. I do not get much of that at the office – in fact it would be awkward to do so because no one talks politics for fear of alienating others (makes sense to me) and really, no one has time to chat. We are all really busy. I don’t talk politics at church for the same reason that I do not at work. So that leaves me with talking about it at home, which, is hard to do lately with the two boys needing constant attention. Between potty runs with one, and diaper changes with the other, it does not leave too much time open in the evening.

I gotta stop complaining though. Life is good. For the most part, the bills are getting paid. School loan repayment, with the IBR program, is not only possible, but a little miracle in itself. I’m making my way through some beaurocratic hurdles, but in the end I expect only to have to dole out $20 a month to cover some $90K plus in loans, which I think you will agree is a huge miracle. Ted Kennedy’s work made the current health care debate possible yet in my book, he will be best remembered for shepherding through school loan repayment reforms that literally allowed me to work I job that I otherwise would not have been able to work. Thank you Ted!

That will be all for now. Here’s wishing you and your family the best this Christmas Season!

Your Damned if you do….

Been awhile. So I spent January and February applying to about 20 different jobs and doing more “networking” and informational interviewing then I’ve ever done before. The result was one actual job interview in another state. It is a solid opportunity and for that I am VERY thankful. I am just a bit weary because it will require us to move states and I so do not want to! Not only do I hate long moves, but after listening to the state’s NPR station (Hint: The “Ideas Network”) I am less than impressed.

There is going to be so much change in the next six or seven months that I fear I will not be able to keep my sanity. I have all but made the desicion not to write the Minnesota bar. I cannot afford to apply to two states at once and then completely lose my bar fee in the state I choose not to practice in. Yet if I apply to this other state and the job does not work out, I essentially rule myself out of the Minnesota job market by at least 4-6 months if I can waive over (MBE score of at least 145) or longer if I can’t (I could not stomach writing another bar exam!).

What to do?

My gut tells me that the Wisconsin job thing will work out and after writing and passing the Wisconsin bar with flying colors, I will look back at this time smile, and nod my head. But I always think in terms of worst case, so I now wonder if moving to Utah if the job thing DOESN’T work out makes sense. I worry about us being essentially homeless after our survival funds run out in Septemeber – coincidentally the time that we expect our family to grow. I hope that family would be able to take us in and that I’d be able to find something to tie us over while I write yet another bar exam….

But then there is health care – we’d have it in Minnesota but not in Utah – ugh!!!!! I also have a suspicion that things may open up a bit in the market next spring. I know that there are many public sector jobs that need filling that have yet to be. Reasonable hope for next year being better? I do not know.

My life has been full of these strange twists and turns. I still pinch myself a bit when I realzie that I live, work and go to school in the United States. I spent a childhood at times wishing I was here. I almost feel sometimes that it will be taken away – wierd. The last time I left school I had to move 1500 miles to find a new home. Perhaps I should be glad that this next move may only be 300.

Winter Blues

Just a quick note here, an update if you will. Winter break and Christmas season are here. A lot of changes are on the horizon for our family. This past semester went by rather quickly. Almost methodically. Sadly, each day was on sort of a “rinse-repeat” cycle that worn all three of us down. I only worked half the semester and even then only some 6-7 hours a week. Still, with my wife working full time, the semester managed to sap quite a bit of energy.

Academically, I felt the semester was my best yet, which as anyone who is in law school will tell you is a mixed bag. Law School rewards EARLY achievements – those that arrive in your third year of law school are mere platitudes to your ego and your job prospects. So the fact that I may have my first “straight A” semester means nothing as it will still leave me jobless…..

The economic news seems pretty grim and the prospects of finding a state job are somehow worse. My good friend at the office is still working as a law clerk, even though he received his license to practice 2 months ago. I feel sorry for him in the same sick way that I hope no one has the chance to feel about me. His life over the entire term of law school was with the office – his hopes, dreams, aspirations – what have you – have taken a beating and hurt his confidence in a way that he is still trying to come to grips with. I think he needs some time to really get over this before he can effectively search for a job – any job. What I am jealous of, in a way, is his dedication to the criminal law. It appeals to me for sure, but not in the same “intense” way as my friend. Perhaps I’m better off because of this?

I do not know. Part of me thinks that my work experiences during law school would just naturally “crescendo” into a position somewhere  on the state or defense side. Part of me still believes this. Increasingly, however I realize that I bumped into the criminal law  – I did not go out and find it. Had I not gotten that first position at the PD’s office my first summer, I would have never really pursued criminal justice, especially after my dreadful grade in Criminal Law that spring. So I have a strange constant “guilt” if you will – I often do as much as I need to to stay competent and communicate well. Yet I am not like my two coworkers who live and breath the Minnesota Sentencing Guidelines. I do not have time to study them independently. All that I know of them is from what I absorbed from my limited study, what others have told me and my own boneheaded mistakes. So if my friend does not get a job, what makes me think that I deserve one when I know I work “less hard?”

My background supports work in Medical Malpractice and Personal Injury/Workers Comp – two areas that I have not given much thought. I really was hoping to develop a patent law / IP mindset during lawschool but it just did not happen. I did not take either class nor did I seriously pursue taking the patent test. I just had no passion for it – not in the same way as I had passion for the criminal law issues I’d been working on. One area that I did develop a taste for was religious liberty causes. Pretty much my favorite class of law school – religious liberty. The one class that really made law school “worth it.” It helped me develop independent cand critical thinking skills. It is the class that makes me right now feel like a “mature” 3L.

So why not find work in this field? I should really try but the opportunities seem even more restricted than my other options. I am going to spend some times this week researching the options….

Too much time talking about school, not enough time talking about the boy. My son is now a boy. A little boy. My wife remarked this past week that he has ceased to be our little baby. At a little over two years, the boy speaks so much now that I almost forget that I once held in in front of a camera at 4 months whispering in his ear “say something.” I still whisper but those words are “give daddy a kiss” which on occaisson he does. However, sometimes he will let out a big “NO!” or a sly “no…….” or if he is really feeling introspective he’ll pause, look at me and say “no.”

If I had to pick my favorite moments with him, I’d have to say that they always come during reading time. There is a bonding that happens there that is hard to accomplish any other way. Perhaps playing chasing games or lifting him up “way high” to touch the cieling comes close. But that reading time just before he goes to sleep – priceless.

I should post more often – perhaps my thoughts during the semester would stay more focused. I dunno. Anyway I hope that all the 118 hits I’ve received thus far aren’t just from me and my wife. Would love to hear from others. Leave a comment – please.

3L Fatigue

So the summer’s over. I’m not a “Certified Student Attorney” anymore. I feel a bit worthless now. It has been a couple of weeks since I last stepped into the courtroom. I spent the last day getting mostly run over by the judge, getting lost in a debate about custody credit at one point. That was the one thing I did not get mastered this summer – I generally always relied on probation to get it right. When the judge asked me that day whether I thought the defenses calculation of custody credit was correct, I stumbled and mumbled then quickly agreed after realizing that my brain seemed ill euipped to the task of calculating the credit on the fly. When I returned to my desk, I realized that I got hosed over for about a month’s credit. Not the best feeling at all. Mark it down as another lesson learned.

So it has been a long time since my last post. Despite the tone of the above comments, the summer job went well. It is clear from talking with my classmates that virtually no one got to spend as much time in the courtroom as I did. That makes me feel somewhat special. I gained a certain sense of confidence from my experiences. There is something to be said for someone who can enter a uncertain situation and say the right thing. I got a real lesson in preparation and I began to see some of the briefing skills used in 1L year make themselves useful. Often you have to remember 10 or sometimes 15 different stories during any given calendar. When that case is called, you have to know that story, what your assessment was and take that and discern how the judge wants to rule on the case. Complicating matters is that you have to remember each judges temperament, how long they will let you speak and which side they generally favor. This mix is what makes those first weeks on the job so perplexing.

But I got it. And I hoped to continue doing it during the school year. Unfortunately for me becuase of budget cuts, the county has no money to keep us summers on past August. A shame – especially on the first week of school when the transition from work to school feels so harsh. I’m looking for a new job but i feel trapped in a way searching for a post graduate job while having to search for a part time school year gig. It is an odd place to be – a place that some of my classmates who made big law do not have to worry or ponder about. I am jealous of them, angry at myself, resigned at my fate if you will. There are so many reasons why their jobs are not right for me …. yet the security and financial comfort of their jobs has me somewhat envious. Especially when I have to leave in a moment to pick my wife up from work – I place we hoped to avoid with the birth of our son almost two years ago.

Somehow someway though this “alternate” path I am traveling is the one I have been placed by a kind Father in heaven. If there is anything that brings me around it is this sure knowledge. I cannot think of a time when he hasn’t “answered the call” even though I have had some pretty rough times I can never ever say that I was not blessed. I feel proud just typing it.

More thoughts to arrive next week. I’ll pay more attention to the blog now that school has started back up.

Jack McCoy

Two weeks into the summer job. Feel less like a piece of turd this friday – I am not sure if I have gotten better or simply gotten better at taking abuse. I’m learning the mechanics of keeping people in jail, on probation or perhaps both. Sentencing laws are supposed to be simple. yet in practice, the myriad of exceptions sometimes leads to puzzling results – a fact which when not viewed in context makes the casual observer think that the system is rigged to punish unfairly. I think it is almost as complicated as real life – and Judges seem to do their best to adjust when the limits of legislative wisdom run to their end.

Clearly, television does a poor job of reproducing the blandness of some of the proceedings. Much more often than not, there are very few theatrics. The times that they are, it seems like counsel is just trying to have a Jack McCoy moment – I have never seen anyone try to join in. Alas, the night is still young for me so to speak and we shall see what the rest of the summer brings……

Barack Obama

It certainly has been awhile since my last post. A lot has happened since I posted “stumbling upon a gem.” My wife is still looking for a job. We hope heavenly father answers that call with a recently interviewed position. I start my summer position on friday. In some ways I feel sorrow about this. I really have enjoyed spending this past month at home with my son. It just so happens that this occurred during a unique time in his development. In many ways I have enjoyed his 18 month birthday so much more than I did his 6 months birthday. I think it is because he has literally discovered “me” and in a more obvious way I have discovered him. I remarked to one of my professors a week ago that I am pleasantly surprised when my son seeks comfort from me after being upset over falling down or bumping his head. At first I was taken aback by the response – yet it is such a cool thing to get used to. Especially when he gives his dad a big hug and a couple of kisses when he feels better. No way I can fully explain just how wonderful that feels when he does it.

However, this was the week of Barack Obama. I got to volunteer at his rally this past tuesday. One of the perks was to be “seated” on ice level at the Xcel Energy Center for his speech. Funny story – I was actually on the toilet when he walked onto the stage – that is what holding onto “it” for 5 hours while you volunteer will do I knew it was him because the whole building shook and the bathroom got real empty quick. When I rushed out, he had made his way to the podium. I found a place in the stage behind him and stood and watched. This was all I could do because i really have a hard time hearing during these sort of events – I was home watching the speech on youtube before I actually understood just what was said. It was just one rousing cheer (or yell) after another.

The best part about the evening was afterward when he took the time to shake people’s hand. I was one of the lucky few that got to shake his and Michelle’s hand as they worked their way done the line. I had to reach between about 4 people to do so – nevertheless Barack acknowledge me and I cannot tell you just how neat that was. It was funny to hear grown men shriek like little schoolgirls as they tried to get a glimpse or muscle their way in line. I cannot say I felt the same euphoria to do so – it was more dumb luck than anything else that placed me in the right spot. What’s funnier, when I first poked my hand through it was batted down by the Secret Service – a second “thrust” if you will was perfectly timed to get Barack’s attention. Anyway, it worked out and I can add shaking his hand to the list of other celebrity’s I have had the pleasure of a hand shake, including Price Charles of Wales (in 1996 with my good friends Angeline and Darren).

I couldn’t take any photos, but the front page of the New York Times had a snapshot of my hand that evening. You can see it inbetween 9 and 10 O’Clock in the picture. This must be a family curse but my wife and I always, always forget to bring a camera to these sort of moments. You can find the link to this Times photograph here.

 

Stumbling Upon a Gem…

    I just finished The Color of Water while my wife and son slept on the couch, all three of us huddled into a heap of legs and arms. I have to say this book has me thinking warm thoughts of family, those so-called small or insignificant moments between siblings that tie us together through the years. The single biggest part of the story that I could relate to (by virtue of being raised in a single parent household) was the “House rules” discussion in the McBride-Jordan home. The eldest child was deemed the “King or Queen” of the house, ruling in mom’s place when she was gone or otherwise “not there.” There were only three of us, as opposed to twelve in the McBride-Jordan home, but as the eldest I enjoyed a relationship with my mother that my brother or sister never had. Sort of a “co-captain” thing, in many ways similar to that experienced by “Helen” in the book.

What is most interesting to me the individual struggles that both James and his mother have with revisiting past places and relationships with people. For instance, Rachel (James’s mom) is essentially estranged from her home in Suffolk, Virginia all of her adult life (she first left home at age 15, a Orthodox Jew pregnant with a Black man’s child) and only returns at the behest of her son some 40 years later. The relationships with family and friends flowing from Suffolk are never really healed until very recently (a close childhood friend Frances, a cousin and her sister Dee Dee). Part of this was due to being stubborn, but I would say most of it was due to Jewish tradition and the abuse going on in her immediate family which when fused together brought an unusually cruel result.

Yet it is quite remarkable how these events shape who we are. The rejection allowed her to appreciate the deep love and concern for one another that was present in the black community and that spirit later in life lead to a conversion to Christianity. It was very much the “extended” black community that helped this white woman raise her children when her own family had essentially written her off. She and her first husband Andrew founded a church together that still stands today, built in part on her testimony which was tested many many times losing two husbands to illness and raising 12 kids essentially on her own. She remarks in the book that she never thought of dating much less marrying a white man, which when you read her story and understood her place in her community, makes a whole lot of sense even when you consider that she held this view in the 1950s!

Every time I visit my home town I drive by and look at my childhood home on Vialoux drive. The home is filled with my most cherished and hurtful memories. I am always drawn to it, always seeking some kind of closure. We lost it when my parents divorced over 20 years ago and to this day I think about it every once in awhile, especially when I think of my son. I took him and my wife to see it last fall and made an ass out of myself when I snuck a peek into the backyard, only to find the current residents sitting an eating at a picnic table. I jumped back into the car and sped off

Anyway, I mention this because as I was reading about Suffolk I realized that I could not have gone that long without revisiting the past. This is a ever present feature of my being – once I move from a place I always feel compelled to keep in touch with old friends. It is true of the Vialoux home, all the various places I’ve lived in Utah, even with friends here in Minnesota that I met twelve years ago and reconnected with when I moved back here to attend law school. I have never really been able to explain why, in my mind it is just the respectful thing to do, even if the person has long since stopped caring about a phone call, email or letter. Perhaps it was my mom that taught me this? (As an adult I had a relationship with a family that help her out when she was in college), or perhaps it was just our local tradition. Not sure.

I am going to tell as many people as I can to read this book. I *might* read James McBride’s newest novel later this summer. You can check it out here.

 

New Header Picture

The three of us went out this hazy Memorial day for a walk, primarily to take some pictures of the boy. We have come across the tree seen in the header and marveled at its uniqueness on previous outings, so naturally we had to take shots of it before we left. 

We have stayed inside the house for the most part all weekend. I am now beginning my third week of doing nothing. It feels good in part but there is this nervous undercurrent for me. The weight of finding a job for graduation has begun to leave its mark on me. It was once so very far away and now it is less than a year from happening. Next year this time I will start my Bar Bri course, and a short while later take the bar exam.

What else? I have found a good book to read. The Color of Water by James McBride is the first non-law school book I will finish in a good long time. I was curious about it for several reasons, just one being that we are a interracial family. There is a wonderful first person/third person narrative in the book, where two stories, one his mother’s and one his own are told. At first I was not tooo interested in his mother’s story but after learning about her upbringing in the 1930′s, a Jewish family running a grocery store in the deep south, in the black part of town, I was instantly hooked shifting my loyalty from his story to hers. I am about halfway through now and both tales are really engaging. I’ll write my final impressions when I finish the book.

I also have Obama’s Audacity of Hope. I’ve only managed to read the chapter on the Constitution. My highlight is his excellent explanation of the differences between strict constructionists and those that see the document as “living and breathing.” In describing the latter, Obama says,

…..[T}he founding fathers and original ratifiers have told us how to think but are no longer around to tell us what to think. We are on our own and have only our own reason and our judgement to rely on.

The viewpoint makes inherent sense to me. It doesn’t mean that the Constitution is without bounds – our thinking must be constrained by the framework. What the Constitution does not mandate is OUTCOMES, only the process we use to reach them. Simple concept (I think) but one lost on some many “learned” people.

 

Walkability

I haven’t posted for awhile. Been spending too much time watching this video from Youtube. The boy cannot get enough of it. While I was surfing I ran into this site which allows you to enter an address to determine if the community you are considering to move to is “walkable.” These years in law school have given me an appreciation for walkable communities – they make public transportation doable. Within a mile of our home their is a library, a grocery store (since turned into a expensive health food store with no useful junk ) and several passable restaurants, from fast food to chinese. Pretty good, but other communities in our area seem to have more and our score was at the halfway point. If you leave comments, let me know how your community scored.

Hillary Con’t

This quote from Slate’s XX factor sums up my thoughts on Hillary Clinton’s claims of sexism.

You wanna play with the big boys? Embrace complex causation! Sexism sucks. But the surest way for feminists to be reduced to mere women is with the claim that absolutely everything bad that happens to them happens because they are mere women.  

I think that Clinton is using the feminist movement here, hiding behind sexism for her own failure. It all seems very transparent, yet there are so many who have been duped it is embarrassing. It is very similar to the same type of faux victimology that African Americans felt during Bill Clinton’s presidency. Meaning that an attack on Bill Clinton, for infidelity a deeply personal, not group flaw, was an attack on the black community. It was a bunch of baloney then as sure as it is now. How long this song and dance lasts is anybody’s guess. My wife makes fun of me every time I declare that Hillary will exit the race. With no more honor to save (the balance in the honor bank is deep in the red) there seems to be no leverage left to allow a graceful exit. I do not believe that there is a need for placating supporters when they hold views that sexism was the greatest if not the sole reason for Clinton’s demise. The rest of the Supers, including those still supporting Clinton, need to stop this tomorrow morning.